Flirting is the most fun thing in the history of fun. Full stop. Nothing else, that doesn’t involve touching, comes close.

Disclaimer: Most of what follows is strictly written for my digital “fellow kids” only (to be read in a Steve Buscemi accent a la “30 Rock” meme dankage).

Now, back to flirting. Let’s start with “The firsts”. You know what I’m talking about, first texts, first voice – a huge milestone – first time actually talking over the phone, first date. Not the be all and end all stuff, not the “risking it all”, love or death stuff, no, not yet, just flirting y’know? The feeling of multiple unknown variables branching out from the first moment you meet someone new – the wonder, the potency of it.

I’m not well-practised in all aspects of the charming and immensely joyful art of flirtatious roguery, although I do like doing the bits with which I’m familiar. I’m partial to the feeling of being “into” someone new and knowing that they’re “into” me (again, not love, not yet).

Have you felt this? I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about, you cowards. Admit it! Liking someone so much that your entire body tingles with the sensation, electricity running through you, over your skin, raising all the little flirtatious hairs on your little body. You’re clutching at yourself, you’re irrationally pressing your fingers into your ribcage, metaphorically reaching into your chest, attempting to manually stabilise the out-of-control tub-thumping that speaking with this new human has created in your heart.

Sometimes it’s how cute you feel when they enjoy an embarrassing truth you choose to reveal, because surprising someone with something that lives in your brain feels really good. Saying something you think is funny to someone you barely know, but really like, and then seeing them smile at you is so kiff, my bru, lekker soos n krekker, my china. Know what I mean? Sharing things, going back and forth with each other, exploring, discovering, and openly liking each other before understanding what any of it could become. Just letting someone in and feeling them do the same for you.

Mutual curiosity maybe? Is that what I’m talking about?

Give me second with this, just a moment for me to form a text-based semi-permeable membrane of expression that might allow some of the ill-conceived chemical explosions in my brain to transfer over to your own think box.

Flirting is a very broad topic, everyone has their own brand of “The Mack”, “Macking”, “Tuning a Boet or Cherrie” or “Sliding Into His or Her DM’s”. Quite a few of our fellow human beans have a sometimes unrealistic, often gross, super creepy idea flirting. Rest assured, my personal view is very PG and Wholesome™ (at least I hope so, let me know).

I’m personally, not trying to sound like Dr. Love Jones M.D., or anything, but can we talk about flirting? Open discussion on this topic is making me feel flushed and embarrassed, however, I shall endure this for you, my beans. There are a number of different ways to flirt, here are some that I know about, and are wholly ill-suited to me (feel free to add more): Perhaps you’re someone who likes locking eyes with a bean longer than you should, then gifting them with a smile to signal the A-OK for them to engage (Say “engage” as if you were Jean Luc Picard). Other non-verbal flirting includes touching and tasting, and is so far beyond anything I could imagine doing with a stranger I’ve not yet spoken to over a three date period, that it’s very difficult to conceive of the feelings, drives, and emotional jujitsu that goes into that kind of “getting to know you” physical interaction. Further, thinking about what I just wrote in the previous sentence is giving me so much anxiety right now, I don’t like it at all. No fun for me, no, but I encourage you to consensually pursue this vibe if it’s your thing. The final kind of flirting I’m aware of is particular to the extremely sexy and confident, it involves walking up to a stranger, standing almost uncomfortably close and asking them their name – Um… Wut O_o?

Am I wrong about this? Is it not nice to be naked and afraid? In the figurative sense and not the Discovery Channel sense. Vibrating with all that nervous energy, energy that doesn’t have anywhere specific to go yet, so it goes everywhere and gets into everything. All that chaos swirling around, beans knocking into each other with their feelings, maybe saying the wrong thing but in the right context, you look into each other’s eyes longer than you expected to, and turning away, not sure why you’re suddenly shy. All that feeling is so futzing awesome, my dudes.

*Le sigh.*

I still don’t feel like I’ve been clear on this topic quite yet. I have a few songs that might assist me in illuminating my point on what flirting feels like:

“You Don’t Know My Name” by Alicia Keys

“Kiss Me” by Sixpence None The Richer

“I Really Like You” by Carley Rae Jepson

“I Want Yo To Want Me” by Letters To Cleo

“Little of Your Love” by Haim

“Dreams” by The Cranberries

“I Wanna Hold Your Hand” by The Beatles

Granted, some of these lead to love and other heavier things, but the feeling of open, naked, affection is there, the good stuff before the love stuff. Finally, please send me all recommendations that you have on Flirting Genre songs, I love songs about flirting (this has to be its own genre).

Flirting is more fun the cricket, rugby and soccer world cups combined! Don’t @ me!

Written by Andile Ngcizela